Love and Silence

The title of this blog may seem a little bit odd. I haven't written in a long time. I have sat in front of my computer screen many times over the past several months and stared at the screen wanting to convey my thoughts, but in the end have closed it down and felt that maybe it would be better to wait for another day. Last night we had our Christmas party for my small group through church and I confessed that I hadn't written in so long- mostly because I didn't want anyone else to see my thoughts or my heart at the moment.

During our get together, my beautiful friend Laura led us in reflection over the last year and what God has taught each of us. I'll be honest...my first reaction was dread and the desire to burst into tears. The last year has really been full of a lot of ups and downs that have all intertwined together to form a whirlwind of emotions within me. I spent the first half of the year trusting God's plan for my life. I had felt God speak to me many times that his promises were true and to trust Him. That was a joyful time. Fast forward to the end of 2010 where I have just felt abandoned by Him and in turn have felt angry. I often wonder if God is mad at me, since I'm calling for him, but he's not coming around. My good friend Jenny told me that she starts her day off by asking God, "Do I trust you?" and answering that question for herself every day. Will I trust God with my life this very day? Even this has fueled my resentment towards Him....I'm trying to trust, but where is He in these moments?

So what has God taught me this year and what can I praise Him for? Although we wrote out lists of praises and answered prayers last night, I've kept thinking about what God could possibly be teaching me or showing me through pain, love, and silence. This is what I've come up with.

1. I AM THANKFUL THAT I AM MISERABLE WHEN GOD IS ABSENT. I was a little bit curious about examples of God's silence and absence in scripture and how I might find some type of comfort or reasoning behind it. I actually found someone else's blog entry discussing two examples of silence in scripture. Psalm 22 begins with the words, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? You are far from my plea and the cry of my distress. O my God, I call by day and you give me no reply; I call by night and I find my peace." I can relate to this. The writer then reminds us to finish the Psalm. It concludes with praise and adoration and a reflection on God's faithfullness throughout the ages. Her blog concludes with these words: "We are now, as always, at the foot of the cross. The cry of the psalmist and of Jesus is now our cry, and the silence of God may lead us to despair. So, hear the words of Psalm 22, and heed the witness of the church. Embrace our silent God with faith, hope, and love." I thought about this for a little bit, and it kind of just hit me. There have been times in my life when I never noticed God's absence. I believed, but it had not resulted in any type of change in my heart. But there has been, and I can see and feel what life without Him is like. It's awful. Maybe this is what God is showing me in this time? I can praise Jesus because I know without a doubt that I don't want to be without him.

2.I AM THANKFUL THAT I UNDERSTAND LOVE. This is a tricky one and maybe I will regret writing it out. After all, loves grows over time and I'm sure my understanding will be different in twenty years than it is right now. On top of that, there are different types of love and ones I haven't experienced. But recently I had someone tell me that they can't love, don't know how to love, are choosing not to love. That type of thing. I am thankful today that this reasoning or mindset is something that I can not understand or fathom. It's easy being a female and watching a multitude of romantic comedies to have visions of fairytale love in your head. I'm not saying that there aren't many days that I think in this manner, but I am thankful I know what true love is: a reflection of Christ's love for us. I know that this is a long passage, but it is one of my favorites. A reminder of what love truly is and that it is a necessity in life. If you truly know and accept Christ's love, you can't help but love others. I may not always be the best reflection of this, but I am thankful that right now I know what it is.

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails." - 1st Corinthians 13: 1-8

3. GOD HAS SHOWN ME THAT THE TIME IS NOW. One lesson I have learned over the year is that there really is no time like the present. My friend from work, Amber, recently committed suicide. While I was not extremely close to her outside of work, I saw and talked to her several times a week. She always had a smile and an encouraging word for me. I have struggled since her death with the fact that I have no idea what type of hope she had. I knew her for a year and a half, and have no idea if she had the same hope that I have had on dark days. Questioning the authenticity of the relationships that are constantly being built in my life is an area that I am still working on....struggling with. I don't really have any type of answer to this. I guess I am just thankful that God is showing me how fleeting this life is and the time we have on earth is precious.

4. FRIENDSHIPS AND FAMILY. I am thankful for the friends and family in my life, who stand by me regardless of all of my faults. And there are many. For forgiving me when I have wronged or hurt them. For loving me when I have not shown them love. For picking me up when I can't get off the ground. For giving me joy and laughter. For being a reflection of God's love for me.

Sangria, Anyone?

It is a beautiful fall day. I guess autumn comes pretty late here in the South. But the leaves are finally changing into pretty reds, yellows, and oranges. I went to church this morning and then enjoyed a nice lunch with two of my favorite people, Matt and Jason. Super excited that The Local Taco is opened in Brentwood, and even more happy that the windows were open. This allowed for open air dining without the wind blowing us over. The most amazing part of lunch? Apple Peach Sangria, of course! Just last night, my roommate and I were talking about making some homemade sangria, so ofcourse I had to try it. DELICIOUS. So, I got to thinking about what kind of sangria Laura and I will make. I found this yummy looking recipe for Strawberry and Peach Sangria. What do you think???? Do you have a recipe that you love, red or white?

1 750-ml bottle dry white wine
1 1/2 cups Essensia (orange Muscat, a sweet dessert wine)
1 1/2 cups sliced strawberries
1 cup peach liqueur
3 peaches, each cut into 12 slices
1 large orange, cut crosswise into 6 slices
1 large lemon, cut crosswise into 6 slices
1/4 cup strawberry syrup (optional)
3 to 4 cups ice cubes

Mix white wine, Essensia, strawberries, peach liqueur, peaches, orange slices, lemon slices, and strawberry syrup in large pitcher, smashing citrus slices slightly. Let stand at room temperature at least 2 hours or chill up to 4 hours. Serve sangria over ice.

XOXO

Peaches, Menchies, and...that's Bananas!

Ahhhh....it is hot. Very hot. I typically long for a neverending summer, but this year I am very, very ready for fall to come. Seriously. There are many things that I love about summer though. For instance, the smell of suntan lotion and the pool. The feeling of the breeze by the ocean. The taste of peaches. Country music. Ice cold beer. Popcicles. These are just a few of those things. But, there are so many things that I am looking forward to for fall! Jennifer is getting married, my birthday, AND let's not forget....my last semester of classes!!! So excited. Since it's been a while.....I feel like it would be appropriate for a Summer Fancies list instead of August....as I have missed writing for most of the summer.

The fact that Betty White is going to be writing TWO books.....

St. Louis

MENCHIES....MMMMMMMM!

Sookie Stackhouse.....I am pretty much obsessed. On the third book within about a week and a half...

ZOE-ISMS

peaches

The Bachelorette

As always.....Britney...on Glee! AGH!

Weddings

XOXO

SPRING VACATIONS

My vacation between spring semester and summer school is unfortunately officially over today. The last few weeks have been so much fun and a lot has happened. FIRST, one of my best friends Courtney got hitched in Little Rock! She was such a beautiful bride and her wedding was gorgeous. I always love having all of my close friends in one place and this was no exception. My favorite memory was probably Courtney's sweet words about Daniel and to us at her lingerie shower. Not something you might typically expect to happen while opening these type of gifts, but also something I won't forget. Other highlights of the weekend would include the bridesmaid luncheon and slideshow Courtney had made for all of us and my sweet date who I discovered also knows every word to all 90's R & B that was ever written. :) It really couldn't have been a more perfect weekend.

Courtney, Daniel, and I after the ceremony

BRIDAL PARTY

ADAM, ME, JENNIFER, AND DAVE

The weekend after the wedding, I had the great luxury of going to Florida with friends. Just think Real World: Destin. We left on Wednesday night and arrived at the beach house very late that night. The house was beautiful and was just a two or three minutes walk to the beach.

BEACH HOUSE

FAVORITE MEMORIES: RACK'M STACK'M. Is there a homeless man in the cabana? SPADES: TEAM COLESLAW. ACHY-BREAKY HEART. SPOONS. IT'S ONLY TWO HOURS TO KNOXVILLE. POTATO SHOTS. WE SHOULD HAVE LEFT THE HOUSE. JENNY'S DANCE MOVES.

We had a great time, but were definitely ready to get back once we found out that it was flooding in Nashville. On our way home Sunday, we had to detour to Knoxville and spend the night there because we weren't sure if we were going to be able to get back into the city. Quite terrifying to not know what you are driving into or if your friends, family, and home are okay. I was so blessed to have no damage. Just a little bit of water in my garage, but nothing that couldnt be mopped up and aired out. I have many friends from work who have lost everything that they have. It is really heartbreaking.

The last exciting portion of my vacation was Steeplechase. It just goes by so quickly! I attended the annual sleepover at Matt's house where we woke up the next morning and drank mimosas and ate cinnamon rolls. We got there at around ten....pretty much blinked and it was five o'clock.

Janae, Jennifer, me, and Jenny

Classes may be starting, but so is summer....and I'm excited.

XOXO

April Showers Bring May Flowers

I love flowers. I am currently working on my summer garden. I'm not very far. So far I have purchased a pretty hanging plant for my back deck and a few flowers as well. I'll be honest....I'm just a little bit tired of Lowes SO I decided to venture last weekend down to the Flower Mart in Green Hills with my friend Jason. They have so many additional options and the prices are reasonable as well. They have great garden flowers and alot of options for shrubs and trees. I didn't see any cherry blossoms but that is next up on the list.....

Flower Mart

XOXO

UNICORNS AND FAIRIES

Do you ever wish that you were 6 years old again? Some days I do. They were so simple! Your biggest worry was if your parents would let you stay outside and play past dark so that you could catch a lightning bug. A few weeks ago I had the pleasure to nanny for three little darlings. Grayson and Addie are 4 and 2 respectively and are brother and sister. Their sweet friend Paise came over to play that evening as well. I must tell you that I was extremely excited and decided to bring my favorite childhood movie over for them to enjoy. The Last Unicorn. I own it, however it is on VHS so I don't get around to watching it too often. The Last Unicorn is about a beautiful unicorn who figures out that she is the last one on earth. The rest of the unicorns are being held captive by the Red Bull. She begins a journey to find and save her fellow unicorn family.

Well, Paise had many questions for me about unicorns, the most important of which was, "Erin, are unicorns real?" There is only one good way of answering this question. I replied, "Well, some people say they are not; however I believe in my heart that they are real." This made Paise very excited in which she responded, "Oh, Erin! That is EXACTLY how I feel about fairies! My mother says that every time you hear a "biiiiiiiiiiiing" that a fairy has just been born." This was of course an opportune time for my cell phone to go off with a text message a few rooms away. Hearing this, Paise started jumping up and down with excitement exclaiming, "Did you hear that, Erin. A fairy has JUST been born!"



Don't you wish that we could be so excited about beautiful make-believes? I still think it is fun. A few days later I was reading Anne of Windy Poplars and Anne was writing a letter to her beloved Gilbert about a map of fairyland that she was making with her young next door neighbor, Elizabeth. I loved the passage so I thought I would share.

"Our map isn't completed yet..... every day we think of something more to go in it. Last night we located the house of the Witch of the Snow and drew a triple hill, covered completely by wild cherry trees in bloom, behind it. (By the way, I want some wild cherry trees near our house of dreams, Gilbert.) Of course we have a Tomorrow on the map....located east of Today and west of Yesterday.....and we have no end of 'times' in fairyland. Spring-time, long time, short time, new-moon time, good-night time, next time.....but no last time, because that is too sad a time for fairyland; old time, young time.....because if there is an old time there ought to be a young time, too; mountain time....because that has such a fascinating sound; night-time and day-time...but no bed-time or school-time; Christmas-time; no only time, because that is also too sad....but lost time, because it is so nice to find it; some time, good time, fast time, slow time, half-past kissing time, going-home time, and time immemorial...which is one of the most beautiful phrases in the world. And we have cunning little red arrows pointing everywhere. But, oh, Gilbert, don't let's ever grow too old and wise....no, not too old and silly for fairyland." - Anne Shirley

XOXO

THE SWEETEST MONTH

It appears that I have not been doing too well on keeping up with my blog these last few weeks. Life has been very hectic with school and work, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am 99% sure that I will be in school full time this summer and fall which means....that I will be graduating with my masters in exactly one year. I am so excited. And thankful.

So, spring weather is here and it is getting warm very early. I love watching the flowers bloom and the trees grow. Except not my tree, since Treeman cut it off without my permission and it is not growing back. If you do not know this story, then please feel free to ask at any time. I got especially excited this morning because I gave myself stickers for more accomplished New Year Initiatives. I have now accomplished these five additional goals for the year. They are as follows:

Since I did not cheat during Lent, and did not have one Coke at all, I felt that warranted a Drink More Water sticker. And I have not yet gone on my road trip, however it is happening two weeks from tomorrow. I am headed to Destin, Florida for five days of wonderful, beachy nothing. Surrounding myself with sunshine and laughter and probably a few books and magazines. I borrowed my parents record player when I was at home a few weeks ago as they don't use it very often....so it has a new home. I feel like I need to focus in on "The Winter Rose" a little bit, as it is extremely dear to my heart. Dear in the sense that I looooooove it. It is the second book in "The Tea Rose" trilogy by Jennifer Donnelly. The only disheartening part of reading these books is that the third one will not be out until 2011 and I am not sure if I can wait that long!!!! LUCKILY, I have something that should tide me over which I will get to later. But the thing is, you should probably read this book. I absolutely love historical fiction, but I especially love it when there is romance as well some mystery or thriller type of moments.....since you have to start with the first book, I will supply you a little bit of information below (aka the back of the book) and hopefully you will go to your library and get it immediately. It is a rather long book (700 pages-ish?), however I read it in a week. What is really crazy, is that it took the author eleven years to write and get this published. She went and lived in England and learned the dialect and the culture. Very interesting.



East London, 1888 - a city apart. A place of shadow and light where thieves, whores and dreamers mingle, where children play in the cobbled streets by day and a killer stalks at night. Where shining hopes meet the darkest truths.

Here, by the whispering waters of the Thames, a bright, defiant young woman dares to dream of a life beyond tumbledown wharves, gaslit alleys, and the grim and crumbling dwellings of the poor.

Fiona Finnegan, a worker in a tea factory, hopes to own a shop one day, together with her lifelong love, Joe Bristow, a costermonger's son. With nothing but their faith in each other to spur them on, Fiona and Joe struggle, save and sacrifice to achieve their dreams.

But Fiona's plans are shattered when the actions of a dark and brutal man force her to flee London for New York. There, her indomitable spirit – and the ghosts of her past – propel her rise from a modest West Side shop front to the top of Manhattan's tea trade.

Fiona's old ghosts do not rest quietly, however, and to silence them, she must venture back to the London of her childhood, where a deadly confrontation with her past becomes the key to her future.

The Tea Rose is a towering old-fashioned story, imbued with a modern sensibility, of a family's destruction, of murder and revenge, of love lost and won again, and of one determined woman's quest to survive and triumph.

Authentic and moving, The Tea Rose is an unforgettable novel – one certain to take its place beside such enduring epics as A Woman of Substance, The Thornbirds, and The Shell Seekers.

Cherry Blossom Trees and Tulips

My Dear Courtney's Wedding! Oh, Love!

Beaches

Book Club....yet to be named

My Puppy Love Tee

Kickball Teams

People who Dream

GLEE starting back tonight!

Kelli's Kindergarten Class

Cottages

Margaritas

She & Him: Volume Two

I have lived through much, and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one’s neighbor — such is my idea of happiness. -Leo Tolstoy

PRESTON'S BIRTHDAY!!!

XOXO

GHOSTS THAT AREN'T SCARY

I love pretty tunes! I could go on and on today about music. Like the cotton slogan. It's the fabric of our lives. A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of seeing an old friend from high school play some pretty melodies here in Nashville. I would have written about this a while back, however, I felt the need for a few old school/blackmail pictures to include. At this moment, I am back in Memphis and was able to get some pictures scanned from our world's pre-digital days. Enjoy.

So, my friend from high school, Trey, and his family went for a drink and then headed over to The End on Elliston to see sweet friend Brandon Kinder and his band The Rocketboys. A.) Music = Enchanting B.)Their t-shirts are very soft and comfortable. C.) Brandon's voice is so clear live. Heart.

I bought the full album 20,000 Ghosts on iTunes and can't stop listening. My personal favorite that tends to be on repeat is the song All the Western Winds. I love it. So for your listening pleasure I have included a video of my favorite AS WELL as some cute pictures from high school.

SENIOR TRIP IN HIGH SCHOOL

BRANDON PRACTICING HIS SKILLS

LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

P.S. The Rockeboys

P.P.S. Soft T-shirts are Important

XOXO

STRAWBERRIES!!!!

Okay. Not exactly strawberries, however, I am loving this blog! Have you read it before? It is called Strawberry Koi and focuses on vintage style. So much inspiration can be drawn from the pretty outdoor photographs and whimsical clothing. I LOVE IT! You should probably add it to your favorites. Heart!

Strawberry Koi

XOXO

Rain, Naked Juice, and Springtime

As I sit here writing, it is pouring down rain outside. Apparently most of my neighborhood has no power. Luckily, I am not one of those people and here I am typing away on a computer that is plugged in and full of power. Sorry, neighbors!

So, I haven't written in a while and I think an update is necessary. I have had ALOT going on as of late and it is sometimes a bit overwhelming. I am working hard at school right now. I am pretty sure that I have read more this semester than I did in my entire four and a half years of undergraduate studies. My brain feels a bit fried. I am looking forward to my trip home to Memphis in two weeks. Five days of doing absolutely nothing. I am ahead on my school work, won't be working, and plan on just RELAXING. Hopefully the weather will be pretty!!!!! I so enjoy getting excited about Spring!


LENT UPDATE: I have NOT cheated. Janae and I both have gone three weeks without a coke! Yes, there have been headaches. I am taking two Advil Migraine a day right now which is probably not the healthiest choice, however, I think the headaches should fade soon. I don't really know long they typically last, but I am ready for them to go away.

Since I can't have cokes, I am becoming more open to other beverages including my new favorite...NAKED JUICE! Yum! Have you had one???? My favorite so far is Red Machine which consists of raspberries, strawberries, and pomegranate! I am pretty sure I will be running to my local Whole Foods and stocking up on every flavor immediately. I am particularly anxious to try Peach Mangosteen Bliss! MMMMMMM!!!

NAKED JUICE

I just bought my Steeplechase ticket!

The Rockeboys

Becoming more aware of my thoughts

BRUNCH

I have begun reading "The Winter Rose" by Jennifer Donnelly. Please note that this is on my New Year initiative list and I will receive a sticker!

Forgiveness

Rich Ramsey

Queen B is back. Need I say more?

J. Crew bathing suits

XOXO

Piece of Cake

I love this. I don't think I have to say anything more. I'm tempted....Precious.

Piece of Cake

XOXO

A Toast to Margot Elena

If you do not know this woman then you should. My hands send out their eternal thanks for getting this girl to put any type of moisturizer on them. If you don't know, Margot Elena is the beauty entrepreneur who has brought us three luxurious brands: Lollia, Tokyomilk, and now Love & Toast. I am a huge sucker for any item where it looks like someone took the time with the packaging, so I was not disappointed with the lovely, whimsical detailing. OR the various scents. Yum. My favorite is Love & Toast's PAPER FLOWER which I purchased at The Cosmetic Market. First of all, I think that is quite a romantic name for a hand lotion. Second of all, it smells DELICIOUS. And three....the tube it is in is precious.

THE COSMETIC MARKET

LOVE & TOAST

Now, I do have another favorite. You can never limit yourself to just one. And I have my mom addicted as well, and she is VERY picky about hand lotion (Love you, Mom!). WISH from the Lollia line is divine. And you can buy in giant candle form if you are particularly obsessed. Since you know I love adjectives and descriptions more than anything, I must list the description given. I couldn't write this any better myself.

"A burst of Italian bergamot mingles with notes of cinnamon and pepper, rice flower with accents of jasmine and ylang ylang, all wrapped in sheer amber woods and vanilla bean." -Lollia

UMMMMMM......HEAVENLY.

LOLLIA

Now, I have not bought anything from TokyoMilk, but I did browse through what they had available today and it smelled great. What I loved EVEN MORE was that on their website they also have greeting cards available that are sweeeeet. This one was my favorite. ENJOY!

TOKYOMILK

XOXO